Infidelity:A reason why some mess up or leave their families

I do not know the full psychological explanation for infidelity,but  it is almost as if  men have a need to prove in their middle age they are still sexy by showing that pretty young girls still find them appealing.As a result of this attraction to much younger girls,older men abandon their wives with whom they have raised their kids for these young beauties.It is almost like a trophy to male virility.It is a way of saying "I still have it after all these years".

By pretty young girls, I mean girls above 18 years of age being sought after by men in their forties(40s) and fifties(50s). Whatever happened to good win getting better with time. Since infidelity is related to the sexual drive, it is a passion that is difficult for most people to overcome. This is why it is good to avoid occasions of temptation. Find fun things to do with your wife and leave other women alone. Older men need to remember that such girls are simply there for the money.

The sad part is that in addition to using the excuse of tapping into the fountain of youth by marrying such girls,some  men go as far as making disparaging remarks about their wives as being too old and  not quite as attractive as before.This their way of justifying  their infidelity and then conveniently forgetting  that every body is getting older.They see signs of old age in their wives and generously over look their bald heads and sagging bellies.

Men who think like this,are probably not deserving of their wives to start with and only use age as an excuse for finally leaving their families.Their underlying problem is their inability to manage their own mid-life crisis and the reality of their own mortality.One of the ways they try to deal with such fears and insecurities is to declare themselves young at heart ,with marriage to younger girls as proof that they are young since young people still find them attractive.

This type of a situation is very challenging for any couple that wants to make their relationship better. However, most of this type of problem took years to build up, so it will not simply go away . If both parties are still interested in  making their relationships better, then first step will be for husband and wife to have an  honest conversation about where they are in their relationship and what they can do to make things better.

Avoiding the blame game would help a lot.It is also important to remember that talking and sharing is the key to better relationships .

How attitude affects your marriage

By Chey Revell

How attitude affects your marriage should not be overlooked.This attitude within a marriage shows a fundamental flaw inside your concept or notion of what a marriage is supposed to be. After you get married, the quite act of performing so meant that you simply gave up any concept to 'your rights'.This has to be replaced with a new concept of 'our rights'.

Marriage is actually a unity of two people today and all that they may be. Provided that you hold selfishly to 'your rights' you can not attain the accurate objective of a marriage-unity.

Imagine if both parties within a marriage concentrate on uplifting and promoting the marriage in place of themselves. Most of the complications in such a marriage would disappear. I mean let's be frank, the key result in of all of our arguments is pride and selfishness.

Operate towards seeing your connection as a single complete as opposed to two separate parts. Else, your connection is not a marriage it's a partnership, and you do not possess a mate you might have a roommate.

IMMATURE ATTITUDE - "If this does not work out, we can just get a divorce." marriage is not a lottery pick.This suggests that there is certainly no commitment, no goal to the marriage other than one's personal gratification. A marriage has to be more than other relationships. It requires a level of commitment that you're unwilling to offer to any other human on this planet.

A marriage requirements a burning desire to work through any difficulty, overcome any obstacle, and defeat any trial. If you're hoping that your marriage will be eternal bliss, you're sadly mistaken. All marriages have struggles, and it really is the struggles that bind us closer with each other, propel us beyond our own selves, forces us to reevaluate our priorities, and focuses us on the correct riches in life.

Without these struggles that you are only a two dimensional character with no depth and small understanding of what a deep connection seriously is.Learning to stick things out is easier said than done. Difficulties are bound to come. You are going to undoubtedly get hurt sooner or later or yet another...but when you've got not the strength to overcome it, you'll under no circumstances experience the remarkable joy that comes from a deep, lasting connection.

Look, you might usually be hurt essentially the most by persons which you appreciate by far the most. Which is just the way it's. Should you adore the particular person you're married to, then he or she will undoubtedly hurt you at some point. Stick it out. No matter whether the storms in order that you could possibly locate the joy and happiness you claim you seek.

Those who bounce from marriage to marriage in no way genuinely recognize how attitude affects relationship and marriage. They use divorce as an escape because they can't deal with difficulties.The sad thing is that you move from divorce to divorce the difficulties will follow you unless you make some changes.

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How do you deal with the difficulties of infidelity in marriage

 

 

Here is an article by Lou E Gardiner on the difficulties of infidelity and marriage.I think you will find it as interesting as I did.Infidelity is one of the the most difficult issues that anyone may have to endure. After you have been with somebody for years and then have granted every aspect of your life, and after they commit infidelity, nothing is more painful.  You can restore the confidence within your relationship and get that trust factor back by working one day at a time.. This can be a long road, and you will want to focus on the relationship you once had - and can have again, and hope that it will probably return to just the same as it once was.

You're probably asking your partner information on what happened and exactly what may have happened during the affair, and if so it is totally natural and it is part of the recovery process. The person you love could be getting upset that you are asking for the smallest of details, but explain to them that it truly is part of healing, and that you need to understand these elements so that you can carry on.

You may be afraid to talk to friends or family regarding this because you are embarrassed or just don't want anybody to be aware that you are having issues - this is certainly okay, and one of the reasons this website has been created. It is my hope that you'll be able to find answers to your questions and hopefully your marriage is not so far gone that you are on the course of talking divorce, because you have the ability to make it through your relationship problems.

At some point, at the start of your relationship you felt that you could hardly do without your spouse - remember whenever you were first dating and how that you were constantly in love with that person? You will need to somehow get that fresh feeling back.

Right now, you may be facing the single most painful and most critical crossroads at any point, therefore you will have to be very careful in what you do and say. Everything that happens today will affect your marriage tomorrow.

Making threats about leaving your spouse could create more problems. If you are truly desiring to try to work things out, then don't try to scare them back into the relationship.

Infidelity in marriage, emotional infidelity or a cheating spouse. It doesn't matter what you call it, it leads to a  a large impact on the innocent victim in the partnership. Online counseling can be obtained for anybody who needs it, and it is recommended from key wedding counselors.

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Make Lemonade Out of the Lemons in Your Marriage.

Marriage is like a bed of roses, it is beautiful but it has ts thorns.You will be wise to remember that when you want to make your bed in your marriage.If you have ever tried to pick up a rose you will be cut by its thorns if you are not  careful.

Hopefully this will help you think of ways of making lemonade out of  'lemon'  marriage situations.These situations may arise out of anger, when you get called a fool or an idiot.Things could be easily as bad  during bad jokes.

Ten years ago when I went  to visit my and his friend and his wife , a  marriage lemon moment occurred. My friend despite his better judgement and his love for his wife, called  his wife a cow.There was  more to come.He  even went as far as calling all women cows.To my surprise ,Rubena my friend's wife,who is usually very outspoken said nothing.

After a few minutes ,my friend ,Johnson asked Rubena for directions to their new  church.Rubena answered  "moo". More questions and attempts at conversation were met with more "moos".I could see Johnson  becoming embarrassed.Needless to say ,he  got massage.He quickly apologized to his wife and told her all women were not cows.He called his wife,his princess.

You can see that Rubena handled the situation very well.She turned a lemon into a lemonade with.out arguing or shouting.She simply went with the flow and turned the table on her husband.She played the cow and Johnson didn't like it.

Anyone can do this.You can make lemonade out of  'lemon' situations in your marriage.If you haven't had lemon situations in your marriage,you have not been married long enough.

Make your relationships better and have a happy married life.

How to make your marriage better in the first 2 years.

How do you make your marriage better in the fist 2 years of your marriage?Most newly married couples find this period of their relationship very difficult.This is not surprising since this a time of change and new beginnings.

Part of the problem at the beginning of most marriages is that most men mistakenly believe that since  they are
traditionally or conventionally the head of the family,every decision in the house belongs to them.You know that between two adults such an idea will not fly.Your wife is an adult and even if you are the captain of the ship of your marriage,you cannot just make decisions without discussing it with your wife.

It takes a while for most men to realize that the "head cannot turn without the neck".It requires team work for married life to be most effective.It is the failure to work together that leads to most problems and complaints especially during the first two years of marriage.

Most couples want to live happily and lovingly together,but make the mistake of thinking  that  simply because they  love each other or have had a strong emotional connection ,they will have wonderful and happy married life.

I am sorry to let you know that emotional connections are not enough.You have find a way to make adjustments in your relationship if you want it to work.

To make this period less quarrelsome and much more fun and loving,both husband and and wife need to do the following;

1, Stop the power struggle

This means neither the husband nor wife should try  to prove that they have more power in their relationship,Each person is equally important.


2, Try to support  each other.

This means a husband should respect and love his wife and not just try to order her about.On other hand a wife or married  woman should   be respectful  of husband and not spend  most of  her  time criticizing her husband or telling him off. Remember,what goes around comes around.

3,Keep your differences to yourself.


Do not spend the first few months of your  marriage  telling all your relatives how terrible your husband  or wife is. The problem with this approach is that when all those  stories you put out there eventually get back to either husband or wife,none of them will be happy.Such talk will not generate more love and understanding .Cut down on such stories and give your selves  a chance to mend and be happy.


 I could share more ways with you on how to make your  marriage even better,but  first,I want  you to put some of these few tips into action and give us  feed back .

Your comments are welcome.

Happy married life.

5 steps to help you control your feelings and make your relationship fun

If you have been in a relationship then you know that controlling your emotions is an important aspect of living in the moment.Do you live in the moment or in the future?Do you like to do  things right away or later?I had a friend who liked to do everything later.On his wedding day,he got so backed up on the things he had postponed doing,that he ended up getting to his wedding in the middle of his own mass.

His wife was so angry and disappointed   by his behavior that everybody predicted that their marriage would not last even 6months.Well ,surprise,surprise .....16 years later,they are still best of friends and still married.So how did Rita ,the bride in this story do it?


I asked her and she said she did it by using the following  5 steps to control her emotions;


1, Move on.

  Do not stay stuck to past or use all energy holding unto the past.On her wedding day ,she decided to move past the late arrival and concentrate on enjoying the moment.She did not even ask Jimmy her husband ,why he came late.

2, Forgive

Each her feelings or emotions were hurt,she let him know without becoming judgmental . She went a step further and forgive him ,without taking every future opportunity of his mistakes to remind him of his errors.

3 Praying

They always found a way to pray together as a family,even on the days they  were really mad at each other.  They said it helped to remind them of their mortality and the need to be truthful to each other ,especially their to treat each other with dignity.

4 Work as  Team

They always found a way to remind each other of their anniversaries without trying to see if one person would forget.She saw herself as a team with her husband and made him come to appreciate more that in some situations they had put their differences aside and work as a team.

5 Find time to play as a family.

It does not have to be fancy,it can  be something as simple as going to the city park with the whole
family on Sundays.You can bring water,  fruits and vegetables as something to snack for the whole  family while everybody  ,relaxes and plays.

Rita said doing these steps as frequently as she could ,eventually led them to become even better friends then they anticipated. She said it helped her to make her relationship fun.

If your need additional tips on how to make your  marriage or relationship  emotionally more balanced and fun click here

Tips on How To Better Manage Your Emotions For More Enjoyable Relationships

by John Adams


Without knowing it ,we end up defining our relationships by how we feel.Yet in a given day we can go through a range of emotions from happiness to sadness.from anger to joy.How can we better manage our emotions so that our relationships will be more enjoyable?

Our emotions or feelings help us to relate to ourselves and to others.This is why any change in our emotional well being can have a very serious impact in our relationships.It can very easily lead to fights and physical abuse.This is why we need to find and learn new ways to manage our emotions.

Just because your emotions feel right does not mean you have a right to scream at others.Be honest with your feelings but make sure you also tell your lover or friend how he or she makes you feel.Most of us cannot read minds.We all need both positive and negative feedback.

People are surprised when they have emotional problems in their relationships.This is because most people think that because they have married someone they deeply love,everything would be wonderful.This is a false belief.Every relationship has its beautiful moments and challenging moments.This is why it is important to make your expectations realistic.We have to learn to be patient with ourselves and others.

Magical thoughts will not suddenly make our relationships great.What will help us is finding our emotional balance.We can only maintain our emotional balance by making use of some important factors.Treat your lover or friend with respect.Respect their humanity.Remember that we do not even treat ourselves fairly,so we should not too shocked to discover that we get treated unfairly.Go with the flow.

If you treat your wife or husband with respect .you would be surprised how quickly things can warm in your relationship.If you give niceness you will get niceness back.This is not the time to tell your loved one that their feelings are wrong.Believe nobody likes to hear that and no matter correct you think you are,do not do that.Treat every feeling as significant and your relationships will begin to get better.

The important emotional balance approach is to understand the types of events that lead to emotional break downs and take steps to overcome them. Most disruptions in emotion usually start with a rise in emotional tension. Once this tension has been recognized, you need to deflect this tension build up through better communication. Sometimes this may entail changing the subject or simply keeping quiet. These steps can help you mend your marriage or relationship

One of the best ways to use emotional balance to help your relationship is to lose fights. By 'fight', I mean a quarrel between two lovers. Let your lover win that fight. Relationships are not the same as mathematics. Sometimes you win by losing. You may be surprised how simply saying "you are right "may help reduce tension and restore the emotional balance in your relationships.



Whatever tip you eventually decide to use to manage your emotions ,remember that  even your best efforts and intentions may lead to failure at the beginning. Do not be discouraged because if you do not give up, you will eventually  find yourself enjoying your relationship even more.